Something Really Scary Almost Happened To Me Today....

Something bad almost happened to me today. I was kind of afraid. This island is weird sometimes. Some people here are not like the people I am used to. I was almost at the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm glad I'm safe...

Cool...

I think I've decided to conclude my cyber dairy and record of this life transition. I've realized recently after I was able to get a lot of restful sleep, that I can't keep putting myself on blast. Some of the controversy reminds me of my earlier years and I've took someone's advice about whats goin' on. I guess I should say that after these recent 4 weeks, I've managed to adapt to the things I have happening. This internet journal for The National Student Exchange back at home in Ashland, I think its lended itself well as a manuscript. I've proved my points to myself and everyone else I've needed to about some of what I do and how I do it. Right now I'm just ready to embark on whats next. This whole internet journal may have been a way to help me modify my life by what I've experienced. But as of now, I guess it could be best to let life live itself. All things will makes sense when they should. What ever is supposed to happen will.

I guess recently, I've looked over some of the material I've created, and I've sensed a lack of balance because of culture shock, and the life choices and chances that manifested themselves to me. I remember everything of course. But I've also noticed that my sleeping pattern went crazy which made me feels things that were out of the ordinary. I should probably acknowledge why I began to fall behind on a lot of sleep because doing so, it kinda made my amygdala swell a little. I guess it may have been my room. My residence here at UVI, I was always frustrated with excessive heat. I don't know anyone that CAN sleep in a sauna. I lost a lot of focus and may have conveyed things that now happen to be against better judgment.

I couldn't sleep in all the excessive heat waves and my room failed to be air condition as I wasn't even provided with a fan. So I kept taking lots of naps where I could but could never get a full, decent night's rest. I have been able to recently. But I also knew that every time I actually DID get to sleep in my residence, a buncha spiders and mosquitoes kept eating my feet when I sleep. I already got crazy scars and I don't like tarantulas : ) But after a four week course. I feel level and ready to take things in. So I guess I can relax about transcribing any manuscripts about these adventures and life lessons. It dawned on me that spirit and machine don't coincide with each other really well so it is easy for someone like me to become misunderstood through computers due to how I talk better than type. I can be too spirited to be interpreted correctly through a 2-demensional world that doesn't relay HOW I would say things. I guess I was just infatuated with internet for a while after I almost passed on. It's been a season since then. Here where I am though, summer is extended. It might be crazy to abandon the equator of an endless summer and then render reverse culture shock again goin' in to a winter wonderland. But I have discovered other endeavors to make happen. And maybe some of these experiences and enlightenments are as they should be right now. Things are cool.

An Attempt To Recall a Few of These Recent Days....

I know I was gonna go and record some video about some tropical baby tortoises comin' up out of their egg shells. They were gonna run to the sand and find their new-found baby turtle marine life after being born and hatched. I was running to the beach to see this because I thought I was gonna be late. About half-way there, the flip-flop on my sandals caught the concrete and ripped my toe nail off my skin. That was a RUSH. I started bleeding everywhere I walked. Even in the sand on the beach and the water in the bay. I was growlin' for about 15/20 minutes.

I also had some work fall into my lap. I'm gonna be running chainsaws and clearing a lot of tropic forestry and playin' with machines. That's cool. My scuba course went awesome. I've already got it all down so I swam deep into the water and stayed under water for about an hour or two. I swam pretty far away from the shore with these tanks on my back. It was a blast. I also found people who are putting me through to the 'audio world' is what they called it. My boy D* is probably the funniest person I've met here so far. He's like, "Awright Crum, whats yo protocol?" I just laughed my ass off at him. It was true laughter man. It made me feel good. There are still some things that are pending within me. But aside from all of that, in my history class with Mr. Sekou, he is letting my internet book pass as the final assignment. Apparently, they all love to listen to what I say in that class. On Monday the 1st, we had the most engaged, enlightened, and intellectual class session ever. We spoke of the 4 voyages and how these islands became named for what they are. We also spoke of the mayan codes and prophecies that are just right around the corner. We talked about this nation and what it is and how it is launching the world into war and destruction. I think I am going to write my own passage about that class because for everything I retained, it deserves its own transcription.

I also have been rendering some culture shock a little bit too. I am kind of cut off from the world I once knew back at home. It's times like that when I wish I had someone to talk to. There are only so many people here who know me to an extent. I wish to God I could talk to my room mate that I've tried to get ahold of for weeks now. I keep getting hilarious flashbacks about some of the funniest fading memories with me and my friends. But I think last night was the first decent night of rest that I've had in weeks. A lot of people here keep asking about those videos I've uploaded into youtube. They said that an idea like that hasn't been done here before. They described it to be 'Hot,' (was their words). I told them its hilarious to make a video dairy about some hilarious experiences. : ) And they have also been finding out about my cyber diaries. When I got interviewed for the Virgin Island News Paper, they believed it to be remarkable for the reasons I gave them and how and why I brought myself here. It's crazy though because even though I put so much into the internet, I never know who sees what when, and how many people actually come across a lot of the things I do. Random people seem to know who I am and they engage in conversations with me for knowing some of the things that I do or confide through youtube or my electronic diaries (or journals, depending on how you view them). It is kind of crazy because each day seems to have an unexpected surprise. Some things still really make me wonder though....

I Realized I Might Have Had One Of The Happiest Days Of My Life Today...

Today, I felt something I haven't experienced. I let sorrow go. And I realized I was as solitary as I've always been used to being. And I went swimming at the beach because there were a few birthdays at Brewer's Bay. I met up with my homeboy D* and I also was able to finally change my head enough to experience something of my own. I went into the warm, turquoise aqua water to swim. I stayed under really warm welcoming water for quite some time. It was one of the hottest days here. This was a very natural and magical moment that happened for me because for all the things I thought and felt realizing where I am here and now... Something happened...

I was up to my shoulders and out on my own. In the waters of the Caribbean shore, there came a fleet of beautiful birds that flew above me and around me. I felt every element, intuition, and energy that was very earthly and personal. These beautiful birds kept flying around me in circles while I was at a comfortable place in my own mind (finally) as I was up to my shoulders in these warm island waters. I looked into the horizon and I noticed that it all hit me. Paradise, solitude, thoughts long ago that somehow became true for me at this new age now... I got very caught in this moment. I was by myself and every once in a while, there was thoughts in the back of my mind about how it would be if I was with a friend... But I had to implement a higher reason or attitude than to dwell on what wasn't present. I realized for myself that I came to a place in the world that is very happy for me even being here. It dawned on me that it was only when I was 23 how I hoped for such things. And that it somehow hit me, as I was living in the present time that was once a future wish. I was very dumb-founded. I couldn't see how it could all be so real.

Then I was interviewed shortly after because apparently, I am gonna be in the newspaper for the Virgin Islands.... I got so happy I almost cried maan...

A Librarian Lady that Made Me Feel Better... Though I almost lost it For a bit.

I realized today that I went from being a God, to being a stranger. I went from being amazin' to bein’ alien. I went from creating memories to fading memories. Something even sadder than that, has to do with me not even knowing why. Before I came to these islands, before I even went to Ireland, I acknowledged to the world that I was leaving my past behind me from that point on. Since the time when I lost my mind my Junior year in high school at the beginning of the millennium, to the time I conquered my own insanity a decade later as a Junior in college, I said that I was putting everything in my rear-view mirror. I believed certain elements, people, places, and faces to be hind-sight to me. And as of now, I’ve realized that the declaration I made then, has became more true than I really wanted it to.

Earlier this day though, I was leaving the library after being up all night. I have been having a very hard time sleeping lately and I only got 2 hours of sleep in the last 2 or three days. As I was leaving the library after uploading the beginning of my video dairy here in UVI, a lady librarian passed by asking about “Friday Night.” And I pulled my earphones off and asked her what she meant to tell me. A lot of people here sense something very super-social of me and she asked what was up with Friday night. I asked her if anything was goin’ on and she said, "I don't know but I know you do."

: )

I told her, “Actually, I’m probably gonna be in the library tonight working on my internet book.”

It seems that I am the only student here who has literally utilized the privilege of the 24/7 library lab because I get nocturnal with media and music projex and well as keeping up with transcribing my life in this online journal. She asked me what I meant by ‘internet book’ and I told her I was writing about my life here in the Virgin Islands at this point, as well as all that is happening with me now that I’m in the Caribbean. She was kind of bewildered and voiced her curiosity so I explained it that I have been writing records my life because I almost died a little over 4 months ago and after becoming frightened about a lot of things, I have always had several books under my belt and they would have never been known if I passed on when I was so close to losing my life. So I explained how I let the internet let me take matters into my own hands. She was not aware of how I almost died so she asked me, I showed her my scar from that emergency surgery that gave me life again and she… She looked at me and asked how it happened and when it happened. I told her it was four months ago.

I was very delirious at this time, which meant that I lacked focus about a lot of things no one knows of.She seen these things and realized what I told her and how things became this way. And she instantly smiled at me and said one of the most encouraging things. This was about a half hour after I prayed for some kind of sign because of things my mind was spinning out of control over. She said, “Well Justin, the Lord Jesus Christ has…” I was like, “Oh I praise the LOOOORRD!” : ) And after I let my excitement subside about speaking that out, she continued, “The Lord has such a special plan for you. And you have a lot to live for.” She was so sincere and sweet in how she acknowledged this with me. There was even a twinkle in her Iris when she said this.

I was very tired. I damn near couldn't see straight. She caught me at a very soft-hearted, sensitive, calm, and conflicted time to say that kind of thing. My eyes started to become a little blurry because before this, I felt like my heart was being ripped apart about things that are of my own reasons. I was emotional and delirious and after I almost let tears out of my eyes after she said that I have a lot to live for, I told her, “I think I’m starting to find out what it all might be about as of now.”

She took my hand and squeezed it, I told her my full name, then I asked if she was colleagues with Rachelle Shells. She smiled and said, “Yes.” I told her that she knows me and a lot of my story as well. Then she thanked me for coming this far and being here of all places. I turned around and started to walk down to my residence to try and sleep. On the way, I turned my IPOD on random and the song, “Mr. Jones” by the Counting Crows came on. I cried because of how sad I was even though no one knew this at all.

Scuba, History, Hilter, Bush, Machiavelli, Dr. Suess, & Dark Knowledge of Old

Today was my first scuba class. I am gonna be certified as a Scuba Diver and Under-Water Explorer. This was such a blast to me. I literally was underwater with a scuba tank strapped on my back. I was actually breathing underwater for the first time IN MY LIFE. I had very vivid, interesting dreams about being, and BREATHING underwater when I was in Ireland. Here in the tropical Caribbean Islands, I was actually underwater for like, 45 minutes at a time. I took myself to the bottom of the water off shore a little ways. I was swimming with schools of shiny fish. I saw sea urchins. And I kept swimming’ with fins along the bottom sands of the underwater shores. The water was as warm as comfortable bath water or mild hot-spas. I was bewildered and blown-away. I’m totally pumped about becoming a scuba diver because soon enough, I will be leaving these Islands and going into explorations under-water, far from the shores of these badass beaches.

I kinda broke a steel scuba tank though. I didn’t mean to at all. It was an accident. Apparently I man-handled it more than I knew or should’ve, and I didn’t mean to at all. I just cranked the tank to close the valve. I ended up bustin’ it because I cranked it too hard when I thought I was just closing it. Just an accident. But after I busted that tank, I apologized to my instructor and let him know I didn’t mean to do that at all.

Later that day I went to my History Course for World Civilization. This was absolutely incredible to me. It had a lot to do with the European Enlightenment and Renaissance. This is one of the most badass courses I’ve ever had. I’m thrilled to learn about all of these things because it has a lot to do with all the Protestant Monarchs, the Middle-East, The Age of Reformation and Religious Wars, as well as Trans-Atlantic Economy. Of all the things I read, I asked the Professor (Mr. Francis) of things about the Crusades because what I read in the text book was a lot different than what I knew to be true. It was different than the way I had always construed it. And I told him that I wanted him to speak about the 4 Crusades but more importantly, I was interested in Machiavelli because what it acknowledged in this text book was only about 5 % of what I knew regarding this historical figure. I started to speak of what I knew regarding Machiavelli.

“I find it crazy that this text book only acknowledged certain things. It didn’t even allude to how he faked his death after he wrote a book that was a very ‘cut-throat’ way to conduct a kingdom. He wrote The Prince and became a marked man for it. He knew this too and so he faked his death. To everyone else as well as his kingdom, and for all the people who hated him though he knew what he was doing, he was dead. When he came back 7 years later and showed himself to be alive after he wrote such a powerful book about how to lead a kingdom in ways that embraced fear more than love, it was the craziest shit ever…”

He found it interesting that I mentioned such things because the text book only tapped on the subject. Long ago, when I was a teenager, me and my badass Uncle Rick were really close with each other. He was (and still is) a man of a lot of hard-core knowledge. He always possessed such incredible wisdom of things oriented around spirituality, history, religion, life, war… There wasn’t anything I couldn’t talk to him about that he wouldn’t have an awesome insight for. When I had mentioned Machiavelli to him, he looked me right in my eyes and said, “That’s very interesting coming from YOU.” I felt some kind of unknown premonition about that moment. So much that I can remember it like it was yesterday.

Later in the class about a half hour after it all, my professor began to speak of the infamous dictator that conducted his Reich. Hitler. I told him, “You know how they always say that history repeats itself?” He was in absolute agreement. He IS a historian. I took the floor for pointing out something about Hitler.

I said, “Hitler did the same thing in 1933 that George Bush and Prick Cheney did in 2001 with 9/11.”

Everybody in the class looked at me. The professor's attention became very sharp to what I was about to say.

I continued, “Some time after Hitler was elected as Chancellor of Germany (he was a very powerful speaker who had attractive virtues), in 1933, he burned down his own Reich Stag Building and blamed another other religion and used this event as means to justify a necessary and enhanced enactment of “National Security.” Then he began to expand his militia in the name of National Security, implementing war for his conquests. See… In 2001, George Bush and that Prick Dick Cheney did the same thing. They let the C.I.A. fund something they welcomed to have happen because in turn, this event was used as an excuse to launch a pre-emptive war that was ultimately for raping an oil resource at IRAQ. The Twin Towers AND the pentagon are on the $20 bill if you’d know how to make it visible. The government of the United States attacked and killed more than 3000 of their own people so they could have a reason to pass anti-terrorism legislation and validate that bullshit patriot act, which granted the government a "reason" (excuse) to invade every
American's privacy. And they blamed Bin Laden so that it would seem justified to conquer another land of rich oil, which was ultimately done for the sake of control, whether humanity knows it or not. 9/11 at the beginning of this millennium, it was a prelude to a higher level of imperialism that was to trigger the New World Order. So far it has been successful too. The evil people who control the World Powers through things like: The Federal Reserve, The Free Masons, The Bush Dynasty, just World Banking in general; they all play a part in creating a hierarchy that has literally raised a profit margin that will last forever as they have literally raped America's 'middle-class wallet' for the gas prices over these events. Subsequently, they came up with over more than at least 60 BILLION dollars. It is all leading up to those Mayan codes and catastrophes that most of humanity is ignorant about. But as long as people know less, maybe they are better off I guess…”

My professor said, “As you have spoke of Machiavelli, that would be a good report for you. You would be excellent to do your semester research paper on Machiavelli because history repeated itself with the figure he lead as well.”

I said, “I don’t know of anyone who became a Prince, wrote a blueprint for an affective way to conduct a kingdom in a very fear-oriented, cut-throat way, then literally faked his death once he knew he was a target for these tactics, then came back after 7 years showing himself to be alive when all the religious leaders and monarchs believed him to be dead for the intellectually ruthless example he lead. I’ve never heard of that shit at all other than Niccolo Machiavelli. When he wrote The Prince, he established a very powerful way to run a region or people. It was deemed to be a Satanic document because it over-threw a lot of the things that were relative to ‘The Church and State,’ or it over-threw a lot of Monarchs discretion about ‘Divine Right’ or what might have derived from Vatican Vaults.”

Mr. Francis began to speak of something he was sure to leave unclear. This book he spoke of was a tangible example of the historical Machiavelli figure repeating itself in a way. Granted, this is nothing concrete when he is expressing it as a historian perspective. But he acknowledged a volume that was the book of Satan and how the man who wrote this book went into hiding and attempted to take himself off the map once his work was into the world. Apparently this book disrespected the fate (or faith) of the Muslims. It was cryptic how he brought it up but alluded away from speaking who the author was or what the actual title of the book is. I found out in the internet that this book could not have been published in America. It was refused by every company of publication situations within the United States. The man who wrote this book had it published in London (which was the New York of the world back when Great Britain was deemed to be the most incredible and hugest World Power). Though it was called a ‘Book of Satan,’ I have not read it but it was acknowledged to me to be a biography of Muhammad. Some people hear the word ‘Satan’ and think of the villain that is contrary to the Bible. The ultimate scapegoat Christianity has used for about 2 millenniums now. I found out that this book my professor was speaking of in correlation to history repeating itself, it is a volume called, “The Satanic Versus.” I told my professor, “Oh, ok. I have that Book in my library at home.” He didn’t seem surprised. I would not associate it with nihilistic blasphemy, or synical descriptions that most people would be quick to think of just basing an impression from the title. I mean, I’ve read some of things that were very contrary to Christianity. I own the Satanic Versus though it is nothing I hold an opinion of… But of all these books within what could be viewed as ‘dangerous,’ ‘bad,’ or whatever other pessimistic description… Dr. Suess was an anarchist. Most people wouldn’t know that though because they see his books to be child-like and elementary-entertaining. Little did they know that if they were to seriously cipher a lot of the subliminal implications in his books, they might find chaos and disorder. But about those books that can be considered 'dark,' I've always been very Lord-oriented anyways. I just don't restrict my realms of knowledge or wisdom within particular perimeters based on the beliefs I'm already anchored with. I guess that is a pinnacle virtue about being open-minded. It's what expands your perspectives about things. I honestly don't know many people who know about the same things I do about the Bible, how it came to print, and why certain books were forbidden.

Shortly after, when class was over, my professor spoke to me personally and found out how I write books through the internet. They are just as much diaries as they are books though. He found out about my near-death experience and how I was a student at I.A.D.T. in Ireland outside of Dublin. Then we both had to carry on about our objectives.

August 24th. Crumologist's History, and When My thoughts Ran Outta Control.

This was the first day of the Second Week of School here at the University.

In my history course for the Caribbean Islands, my Professor was teaching us things that I seem to have held contributions to that were quite striking. He was speaking of the voyagers who came to the lands that were claimed in these islands centuries ago. I told them that is was NOT Christopher Columbus that was the first to discover the Americas. That it was the Vikings.... And as the 4 voyages of Christopher Columbus were what historically marked the Middle-East interest in explorations towards the New World. As he was professing these things, I spoke of how there were a lot of things that are not institutionally taught that occurred in history with the way Christopher Columbus did what he did.

“I think if people were to read the Native American Testimony, they would find out things that could challenge how we view what was done on behalf of those European Voyagers. You speak of the indigenous people. But I think everybody oughta be aware that Christopher Columbus captured these ‘foreigners’ and brought them back to the British Monarchs and toted these people as slaves because they were deemed to be ‘savage.’ These indigenous people were treated like they were less than human. They were treated as unwanted animals.”

He started to speak of the colonial progression once European Masons and immigrants made their presence known and forced into the Americas. Because of the things I spoke in these courses, the professor began to ask ME things, questions regarding historical things that institutions fail to point out.

He had asked me, “Wasn’t it ‘Manifest Destiny?’

I asked him if he was asking ME and after I realized it WAS directed to me I said,

“That might be the way American Schools teach it but I see it as a conquest from 13 colonies to 50 states. It was a conquest ‘From Sea to Shining Sea’ that was genocide against the Native Indians. Of all the treaties and negotiations between the White Man and the Red Man, the Red Man never broke one treaty. The White Man never KEPT one treaty. What the White Man was too greedy and ignorant to consider is that the Natives were at first, very courteous and curious of this new race that had came to there shores. The Indians were puzzled how some new form of humans could combine elements like ‘Earth’ (voyage boats, sail ships) with elements like ‘Water’ to travel from nowhere they knew of. They believed it was worth revering the white man for because they somehow conquered the element of water with the element of earth to present themselves to the Natives who had resided there for centuries and millenniums. But what the White Man failed to understand is that the Red Man was a very SELF-SUFFICIENT race that was incredibly spiritual and in tune with the essence of Earth and Mother Earth’s Nature. They were never conflicted until the 17th century when the Masonic Forefathers began to intoxicate (they brought liquor to the Natives), and assimilate them and take their land which was there home, as it always has been. The Natives used to be of a world that co-existed with the animals. They used to be so spiritual that they could literally speak with animals and be in touch with the plants. The White Man passed them off as a lesser form of humanity simply because they did not have an ‘alphabet’ or a written language. The European forefathers, and immigrants viewed the natives as savages that interfered with civilization. But they were actually keen to dreams and they lived their lives by shamanistic principles. The things that the White Man did to the Red Man during the Westward Expansion... It was sick, animalistic, brutal, evil, wrong, horrid, ruthless, inhumane, cold-hearted, and disgusting.”

The Professor said, “Yes, I agree with you. Some of those things DID happen.”

I said, “No ALL those things happened professor.”

He smiled on the other side of the titan-tron screen at the St. Croix Class and all of St. Criox started laughin’ they asses off from the other island. Apparently it isn’t usual that a student corrects a professor.


Then later in the class, he lectured of the religion of the first Caribbean people. The word “Caribbean” means “Cannibal Eating People.” I guess long ago, there was a religion known as ‘Zemis.’ And as he started to speak of this part of his lecture, I asked him if this was a concentrated religion just within these islands. I found out that this religion of old was a lot like Greek polytheistic ideologies or beliefs laced with shamanism. He agreed as I had described it like that.

Then towards the end, he asked if there were any questions about anything thus far. I noticed a bulletin the said “Medical Plants, Herbs” and I asked him to elaborate on THAT for us if he would. He said, “Your meaning to ask about marijuana huh?” : ) I said, “Nah, not particularly. I know all there is to know about that badass natural resource but I mean medical plants and herbs in general; there is St. John’s Wort, Valerian Root, A lotta Kava Kava… There are many oraganic defense mechanisms for human conditions that are ill."

Professor Lamarsh Roopnarine said, “Cannabis is normal here. It is recreational and social. It is very relaxing and it enhances laughter and optimism. Cocaine came from Co Co leaves in Brazil and that it was usually used a lot like how coffee is used here in the U.S. People would make tea out of extract. With Co Co leaves, the reason Cocaine became so spread abroad is because it is only from one really rare location on Earth (Brazil) which has to do with why it is incredibly expensive. It became very manufactured so much that it became a problem. Especially in the 80s.”

I said, “Its was just as much of a problem in the 90s and it's still a problem in the new millennium too. Just as much as it was in the 80s man. Especially in California because of the Class War and poverty with insane ‘Costs of Living.’”


Later on that night, I went to my other History course. The one with Mr. Sekou. By this time, I was lost in my own thoughts. I also was thinking about my two Uncles in prison. And due to lack of sleep, I realized that my thoughts were spinning out of control. They all were contrived and retained but I was so tired I literally could not see straight at all. I could not focus. I was very ‘jet-lagged.’ So I went to my residence and ate some medication and put myself into a coma so I could let my rest catch up with my head. The next day, I was able to put a lot more into perspective. I realized I was doing the right thing by deciding to wait about addressing certain feelings or thoughts.